Warning Labels…

Have you noticed there is some sort of warning label on everything that you buy; even your morning coffee has a “Hot! Be careful” warning.  Sometimes I think that dudes out there should come with warning labels. Here are some labels I can put on previous dates that myself or one of the Single Gals team has had:
The Ape: Caution things are hairier than they appear. If alcohol is added I will become a loud obnoxious ass and this will result in me dumping you via text message.
F’ed in the head:  Warning may cause alcoholism! You WILL need alcohol in order to find me as attractive as I think I am.  Lots and lots of alcohol.
Small meat package: Objects are not proportionate to size. Everything about me is big: ego, truck, to the size of my bi-ceps but once we get down to it I will leave you wanting another 3 inches.
The Douche Bag: This is kind of like the coffee warning just stating the obvious. If it walks like a douche bag, talks like a douche bag and looks like a douche bag…It’s a douche bag.
Mr. Insecure: Beware, grown man who likes to cause a public scene, sneak alcohol on the subway and who will fall instantly in love with you because I had a troubled youth and I’m lonely.
The Jock: I have yet to grow up. And on our second date I’m going to ask you to go to the bar with me and my buddies where you can listen to me talk about my high school glory days of sports and getting drunk. You’ll love it man.
Mr. “I’ve been hurt”: TOXIC. I’ve been hurt more than others and way more intensely, even though it happened 5 years ago, or was it 2 months ago? I have no idea. But my hurt is worse than yours.
Mr. Mom: May cause accidental impregnation because I’m dying to have kids and that’s all I talk about and all I want to do is coach little league. 
Hopeful in TO and Single Chick

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