It’s not you….I’m asexual

I’m blogging again as a single gal. I was not going to post about anything that happened in my last relationship or in this case didn’t happen, but I think there may be others out there that need to know they are not alone. I was with my ex for 4 years, and now that I’ve had time to find me again I’m sharing my story.

As with all relationships, it started off with great expectations. I think that is where it all went wrong but that’s another blog post. Things were good, not great but sometimes you think you want something so bad you make it better then it is. There were signs in the beginning that told me this was not going to last forever but nothing prepared me for the emotional mind fuck of my partner telling me he that he was asexual. I Googled asexuality and just stared at this definition….

What is Asexuality?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by a persistent lack of sexual attraction toward any gender. At least 1% of people are believed to be asexual.

Now you may be wondering how this conversation came about, it was actually a big issue in our relationship. After a couple years he was just not interested in me physically. Of course I internalized that but tell me how you couldn’t. Your with someone and they wanted you in the beginning but then lose interest. We had lengthy conversations about it. At first it was all about his past, his issues with his father and the trauma he caused. I was trying to understand and suggested he talk to someone to help him address these issues. He did go to one therapy session but decided he’ll deal with it on his own. Eventually this lead him to Google his lack of intimacy issues and he decided he was asexual.

I did not share this with anyone for a long while. I was so hurt and felt so rejected that I could not have anyone else know of my shame. It took a long time for that to fester into anger instead I went into sad ugly place. I stopped doing things I loved, this is not his doing, he just said the words but this is how I let them effect me. I just continued to go through the motions of being in a relationship until I could no longer stand myself. Yes I could not stand how I let myself go and I wanted more. I could no longer live in his world of anger and self pity, so I ended it.

Ending the relationship was the easy part it had ended long before I walked away. The hard part was the struggle to get my self-esteem back. When someone would rather believe they were asexual then be intimate with you it, it leaves a scar. You feel unloveable and it hurts. For anyone that is feeling this way at this moment I can tell you it’s their issues NOT yours, even thought this is true it will not sink in. You have probably told yourself over and over it’s not me, however deep down you don’t believe that.

The struggle is to get your beliefs about yourself to match all the good stuff you tell yourself. All the positive self talk in the world will do fuck all if you don’t believe what you’re saying! So how do you get yourself to the place of believing. Start by doing something that you love. For me that’s working out, nothing makes me feel stronger then when I feel like I’ve pushed myself.

What is that thing that makes you feel invincible?

All you need to do is find that thing. You know what it is, it’s whatever gives you joy. The thing that if you talk about it, you light up. Finding your thing will slowly lead to the new you! Start there the rest just falls into place. You will find your confidence again, you WILL feel desirable and loveable again. I am still working on me and that’s a good thing it’s when we stop working on ourselves that we let our truth be taken from us.

We are all lovable in our own ways, we just need to find the people that accept us as we are!

Remember you are not alone!

Running but I did not find the high…

A couple of months ago Steve (my main squeeze) and I decided we want to add to our workout repertoire, so we hired our friend and awesome trainer Lanny to help get us to the next level of fitness. We have just finished our 10 sessions and I am happy to say I can now fit into my favorite pair of black jeans that last year I could not  button up. Now I can button them and still have a little wiggle room. SWEET!

Steve is just all around amazing, he has lost over 50lbs in the last two years, and together we plan to reach our fitness goals. So to get there we decided that every Tuesday and Thursday we will do a late evening 5K run.   

running

Yesterday was my first attempt at running the 5k with Steve and Lanny. It started off all fine and dandy; I had my breathing under control and I was able to ignore the different areas of pain I was feeling in my legs. However somewhere along the way I was overcome with anger, I was pissed that I decided this was good idea, pissed that I was not experiencing that runners high. I seriously had hoped by now I would be feeling like Leo DiCaprio in Basketball Diaries as he is running through the field. Sadly no feelings of euphoria came but oh joy what’s up ahead.. a hill! A fucking Hill!!!

I start-up the hill; it was rough going and it only got worse. As I watch my running buddies stride up it with ease,  my anger came back.  I could not ignore the pain in my thighs any longer and I broke the one rule we had and that was ‘No Stopping on the Hill’. Fuck the rules I say and I stopped! BIG mistake that was, suddenly my well controlled heart rate went through the roof, I felt like I was having an asthmatic attack verging on a panic attack.  I could feel the onset of frustration tears when I see my main squeeze striding towards me. Instantly I was overcome with that peaceful feeling I get when he is around and the urge to punch him in the face because at that moment I blamed him for this stupid idea of running.

In his calm manner he tells me to raise my arms over my head, and to take deep breaths through my nose.  I was able to get my breathing under control and the tears of frustration  that were hovering at that edge of my eyelids had slowly retracted back to be saved for another day. Needless to say this is one of the many reason why I love him.

We caught up to Lanny who was waiting for us at the top of the hill, they both made me feel better with words of encouragement and I was able to finish off what we started. The hill won this round but I will be back and I will conquer it!

Today I am a little sore but feel a lot better about the idea of running, I will give it another go on Thursday and continue until I conquer that hill!

If you have any tips to help me reach that runners high, I would love to hear them.

It’s a bird? It’s a Plane? No It’s SUPERMAN

Today’s Yummo is Henry Cavill the new Superman and seriously this man is chiseled perfection with a british accent. Talk about instant panty remover.

Superman

Superman Shirtless

henry cavill

Are you addicted to your phone?

man-texting-while-on-date

In this wonderful new aged world that we live in we can do practically anything on our smart phones. We can pay our bills, make appointments, play games, take pictures, and connect to our social media outlets. But when is it enough? It seems everyone is more concerned with what is happening in the cyber world then with the real world. Has this become the new addiction?

There’s a commercial on the radio with a guy talking about how awesome his new smart phone is; even though it got him into trouble because he’d rather play with IT than his girlfriend (not so much those words but that’s the point they are trying to make). How does he solve his problem he buys her a dress using his awesome new phone and all is well ( because as you know we gals are easily placated when you buy us stuff). At the end of the commercial he says “What gets you into trouble will also get you out of trouble.” WTF? Or is it just me?

Am I wrong to think that you probably have an addiction if you believe it is more important to make comment on Facebook than to be present with the people in your company?

How can you tell if you are addicted?

  1. Do you go into panic mode the moment you realize you left your phone at home

       2.  Are checking it every 20 minutes (or less) even if you do not get a text or e-mail notification?

       3.  When out with friends, family, a date do you keep checking Facebook on your phone becoming oblivious of the person / people around you?

       4.  Do you spend more time having text conversations than you do interacting with people face to face?

       5.  Have you hurt a loved one’s feeling because you were so absorbed with the cyber world that you did not hear a word they said?

       6. Can you sit through a TV show without checking your phone during commercials?

If you have answered YES to 2 or more of the above then face it, you have an addition.

Basically if you think that you are spending too much time in the cyber world its simple … YOU ARE!

Remember everything is ok in moderation, but when it starts interfering with your ability to live in the moment, it’s time to cut back. Beside don’t you think it would be more enjoyable to actually laugh out loud; rather than write LOL?

Happy Saturday!

Hey Gals.

I’ve received various links to pic’s of hot men from my gals pals, and I’ve finally got the hint…It’s Yummo time!

Today’s Yummo, model André Hall was sent to me yesterday with the message ‘Yummo Material’ and yes he is. Have a great day gals!

Andre Hall

Andre Hall

Gone but never to be forgotten ….

 

Dianne 2

Last month  my very dear friend Tanya’s mom had lost her battle with cancer. Tanya is one of two of childhood friends (30 years of friendship), and each of our mothers have always been a part of all of our lives.

My mom constantly telling us to keep It down but secretly loving our noisy chatter… okay maybe not a 3am in morning when we woke the whole house up.  

Lynda, Dee’s mother (my other lifelong friend) embarrassing us by sleeping under a tree snoring with her shoes off and glasses hanging down her face out front of our college.

And Dianne, Tanya’s mother, this vibrant stylish lady who was always quick to say what nice girls we were.  Who on our prom night helped me with my Lee Press-On-Nails; later when I told her that one got stuck to my boob and my ass, she replied that these things happen. Knowing very well that they don’t happen, they only happen to me.

 She had a great way of always making you feel special.  We would joke and say that if you farted in front of Dianne she would tell you how wonderful it was, that she has never heard anything with such velocity , or nor has she smelt anything  like it. Tanya too has this gift; Dianne I know you are up there reading this probably saying “oh that Natalie she has such a way with words, such a thoughtful gal that one is.”

Dianne you will be missed but not forgotten, you live on through your daughters, in our hearts and our memories.  I have no doubt that your little patch of heaven is already full of vibrant colours and over crowded with old and new friends you are meeting up there. 

Here is what I have learned from this amazing lady:

  •        Tell people you appreciate them
  •        Be who you are
  •       Do what makes you happy
  •      Keep your girlfriends, Dianne once said how she was so happy that Tanya had such good friends and to never lose that.
  •   Always look your best, because you never know where your day will take you.  (I’m still working on this one)

Remember to cherished the ones you love, appreciate the small things, be true to yourself and always look your best because we did not know what’s around the corner, it could be Leo DiCaprio with a bunch of red roses and you would not want to be in you sweats for that!

Happy Happy Happy Hump Day!

I know I’ve absent these days because of my new budding relationship but as happy as I am I can still appreciate a fine-looking man and Nikolaj Coster-Waldau is just that!

 

Nikolaj_Coster-Waldau_(March_2013)

nikolaj-coster-waldau-workout

nikolaj-coster-waldau-in-black-round-t-shirt-all-people-photo-u1

Ryan Gosling looking good as a badass

Happy Friday Gals,

Ryan Gosling is all tatted up and buffed up for his new move ‘The Place Beyond the Pine’

 

Ryan Gosling in 'The Place beyond the pines'

The only good thing about G.I. Joe: Retaliation

This weekend I got duped into seeing G.I. Joe: Retaliation, I agreed on the hopes of seeing Channing Tatum and The Rock shirtless and that never happened! I was about to write this movie off until this man showed up on-screen. Lee Byung Hun plays Storm Shadow in this epic disappointment but seeing him running around half-naked did numb the pain a little. So gals I am saving you from getting duped by your man, here is the highlight of the movie. Enjoy!

Lee

Lee 2

Just a drop..or maybe three

A few months back my co-worker came into my office to inform me that she had a bathroom emergency but that I should not worry because she had ‘Just a Drop’ with her. I was intrigued; what is this ‘Just a Drop’ that you speak of?

photo (3)

‘Just a Drop’ is a bathroom odor eliminator that effectively traps and eliminates 98% of odors BEFORE they escape into the air.  Yup you can now say for reals that your shit don’t stink!

I had to get me some and YES it does work! You may need a couple of drops depending on how long you have been fermenting or what you ate the night before but it will work. This product has been a god send! Now that I am in a new relationship I’d rather not scare him away with any possible foulness that I may be eliminating, and ‘Just a Drop’ is the answer. Yes girls can be fowl!

Also ladies this is a good product to have in your bathroom in case you have a potential boy toy with irritable bowel syndrome. You will save him the embarrassment from stinking up your place and save you from not having to smell his foulness. Win, Win!

single-gals-approved

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