All I want for Christmas is…

Yes Christmas! I haven’t drank my way through Halloween and my pain in the ass sister-in-law (I say this with love) wants me to send her my Christmas Wish List. Maybe I should be happy that she is asking for my wish list because last time they gave me a gift it was a chocolate man (a stale chocolate man at that), Sugar Ray’s Music for Cougars (my brother was in tears over this one, he thought it was THAT funny) and a candied bra (???).

In order to avoid getting a pack of expired condoms this year; I’ve created this list to help not just my sister-in-law but anyone that has to shop for a Single Gal this year.

THE SINGLE GALS CHRISTMAS WISH LIST:

 1)   Lifetime supply of AA batteries

2)   Lifetime supply of Advil

3)   Membership to the wine of the month

4)   Costco size package of condoms (check expiry date)

Here is what you can expect from the Single Gal as she opens her gifts on Christmas Morning:

The first gift she will get up uppity and act shocked maybe even applaud depending on how dramatic she is. She’ll make comments like “What would I need all these batteries for?”, “Is this a joke, I mean who would need that many batteries” and lastly “I’ll take them..BUT I will never use them all, but I’ll take them since you bought them for me”

Next she will open the lifetime supply of Advil and immediately open up a bottle and take two.  As she inquires about a glass of water for her Advil she will open up the 2 bottles of wine for the month of December than tell you to scrap the water.  She’ll proceed to crack open one of the wine bottles and take a swig to help down the Advil.

Lastly she will open the Costco size package of condoms, once again she will act shocked and applaud. As the day goes on and she is half way through bottle number 2 of her gift, she will scroll through her contact list and drunk text someone about her windfall and ask if he would like to test out gift number 4 later  that evening. You can count of this cycle of events happening every month, just think you have given the gift that keeps on giving.

Ladies did I miss anything? What else should be added to the Single Gals Wish List ?

 

Note to my Sister-in-law: Was this blog helpful?

 

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