How to Stop Self-Criticism in 6 steps

As women we tend to be very critical of ourselves. It’s easy for us to sincerely praise and validate others but when it comes to valuing ourselves, we tend to be very critical and unforgiving. We need to quiet our critical inner voice as this will be one of the best self-love things we’ll ever do.

How to Stop Self-Criticizing

I have listed six steps to help quiet your inner critic. Go through the steps and you’ll discover a more peaceful and happy existence.

Follow these steps:

Step 1 – Acknowledge that self-criticism can be damaging. It destroys your self-esteem, confidence and prevents you from going after your dreams. Not to mention wreak havoc on your mental wellbeing.

Step 2 – Write down your criticisms and go through them one by one and ask yourself, “Is this really valid?” chances are it’s NOT, now cross it off your list.

Step 3 – Look at each criticism that you wrote down and figure out when that narrative began. Take time to resolve why you feel that way and forgive yourself.

Step 4 – Now it’s time to release the negative remarks from your repertoire because they simply hold no validity for you now. Create a list of positive remarks that way when a self-criticism pops in your head you have a positive to quickly replace that thought.

Step 5 – Replace your critical voice with the kind, supportive, caring voice you use with loved ones.

Step 6 – Stay focused, keep working at achieving your desires. You can challenge the validity of any criticism simply by continuing with your efforts.

Your got this, you are worthy of all that you desire. If you fall back into old habits of self-criticism just redo that steps. Now go and be the most confident, successful being that you were meant to be.

Remember your status may be Single but you’re not alone!

What to do Daily for Self-Care

The Daily Self-Care Challenge

Ladies now more than ever it’s important to take care of you! During these stressful times we need to make time for ourselves, I know it’s hard to think about yourself with work, home schooling due to lockdowns, dealing with other people’s energies, all while trying to maintain your sanity. These self-care rituals will help you soothe your mind, body, and soul, reduce your stress, and hopefully remind you that you also need to be a priority.

Let’s make next week, the week of self-love, each day do the ritual listed. I want you to journal about each activity after you have completed it, write down how you were feeling before and how you feel after. At the end of the week due a self-check on your emotional wellbeing and share your journey with us.

Weekly list of self-care Rituals

Sunday – Take time to do something you really love to do. Maybe you love dancing, find a dance class on YouTube or if you live somewhere without lockdown restrictions take a class.

Monday – Meditate to clear your mind, strengthen your focus, and gain peace. As I stated in my previous post give headspace Guide to Meditation a try on Netflix.

Tuesday – Go outdoors to re-acquaint yourself with nature. Take a walk in the park, go for a hike, or drive to a body of water and just watch the waves. Listen to the sounds, feel the breeze, be present

Wednesday – Write out your feelings put all your stress down on paper. Stay in touch with your feelings and let go of anything weighing you down.

Thursday – Exercise to relieve your stress and rejuvenate both your mind and body. Exercise dose not need to be intense, go for a walk, do stretches, try yoga. Do something that gets you moving and out of your head.

Friday – Pamper yourself with a facial, pedicure/manicure. I love steaming my face, I find it very soothing and relaxing.

Saturday – Take a luxurious bath or shower set the mood with candles, soft music, essential oils for relaxation. If you’re taking a luxurious bath read a book, listen to a podcast or just lie there with your eyes closed and feel your tension slipping away.

At the end of the week make a list for other rituals that you can do to keep the self-love momentum going and please share with us.

Remember your status may be Single but you’re not alone.

Believe in yourself it will make you stronger

Do you often second guess the decisions your make? Question your judgement at times? Are you afraid to voice your opinions or stand up for yourself in front of others?

Girlfriend it’s time to make these practices a thing of the past! Let’s start making changes now! Start by holding your head high, shoulder back and strut, believe that you have value and that your opinions matter. That it’s okay to be YOU, you can have doubts, change your mind and disagree with others. You can be unsure during these trying times.

Allow yourself to have more confidence in everything that you do. Close your eyes and imagine what your confident self looks and feels like. Do your see yourself walking tall and commanding attention? Is your tone firm and reassuring to others?

Now say to yourself:

“I feel stronger knowing that I can build my confidence by changing my behaviors”.

“I believe that I should be heard and that my opinions matter”

 “I believe I am a capable, competent, and unique individual which makes me unstoppable”

“I believe in me”

Now we need to get the root of what’s causing your insecurities and what’s holding you back from being your most confident self. It’s time to go within and do some self-reflecting. Find a quiet place that you can get comfortable, light a candle, play some soft relaxing music do whatever you need to make this your place of peace and happiness.

Meditate on this:

Ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What does a confident person look like to me? What confident bahaviours do I see in others and that I can emulate?
  2. What negative beliefs am I holding? Why am I holding on to them?
  3. What new habits can I practice that help build my confidence?

Remember building your confidence will take time, Rome wasn’t built in a day and your self doubt didn’t happen overnight. But being aware and recognizing that you may need work in this area is the first step to becoming your most radiant confident self.

Please share with us your confidence building tips.

It’s not you….I’m asexual

I’m blogging again as a single gal. I was not going to post about anything that happened in my last relationship or in this case didn’t happen, but I think there may be others out there that need to know they are not alone. I was with my ex for 4 years, and now that I’ve had time to find me again I’m sharing my story.

As with all relationships, it started off with great expectations. I think that is where it all went wrong but that’s another blog post. Things were good, not great but sometimes you think you want something so bad you make it better then it is. There were signs in the beginning that told me this was not going to last forever but nothing prepared me for the emotional mind fuck of my partner telling me he that he was asexual. I Googled asexuality and just stared at this definition….

What is Asexuality?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by a persistent lack of sexual attraction toward any gender. At least 1% of people are believed to be asexual.

Now you may be wondering how this conversation came about, it was actually a big issue in our relationship. After a couple years he was just not interested in me physically. Of course I internalized that but tell me how you couldn’t. Your with someone and they wanted you in the beginning but then lose interest. We had lengthy conversations about it. At first it was all about his past, his issues with his father and the trauma he caused. I was trying to understand and suggested he talk to someone to help him address these issues. He did go to one therapy session but decided he’ll deal with it on his own. Eventually this lead him to Google his lack of intimacy issues and he decided he was asexual.

I did not share this with anyone for a long while. I was so hurt and felt so rejected that I could not have anyone else know of my shame. It took a long time for that to fester into anger instead I went into sad ugly place. I stopped doing things I loved, this is not his doing, he just said the words but this is how I let them effect me. I just continued to go through the motions of being in a relationship until I could no longer stand myself. Yes I could not stand how I let myself go and I wanted more. I could no longer live in his world of anger and self pity, so I ended it.

Ending the relationship was the easy part it had ended long before I walked away. The hard part was the struggle to get my self-esteem back. When someone would rather believe they were asexual then be intimate with you it, it leaves a scar. You feel unloveable and it hurts. For anyone that is feeling this way at this moment I can tell you it’s their issues NOT yours, even thought this is true it will not sink in. You have probably told yourself over and over it’s not me, however deep down you don’t believe that.

The struggle is to get your beliefs about yourself to match all the good stuff you tell yourself. All the positive self talk in the world will do fuck all if you don’t believe what you’re saying! So how do you get yourself to the place of believing. Start by doing something that you love. For me that’s working out, nothing makes me feel stronger then when I feel like I’ve pushed myself.

What is that thing that makes you feel invincible?

All you need to do is find that thing. You know what it is, it’s whatever gives you joy. The thing that if you talk about it, you light up. Finding your thing will slowly lead to the new you! Start there the rest just falls into place. You will find your confidence again, you WILL feel desirable and loveable again. I am still working on me and that’s a good thing it’s when we stop working on ourselves that we let our truth be taken from us.

We are all lovable in our own ways, we just need to find the people that accept us as we are!

Remember you are not alone!

The mirror… friend or foe?

A few months ago in my Muay Thai class we had to practice sparring in front of the mirror.  I was off to the side, when my instructor came over and said “Nat you are never in front of the mirror” I mumbled some lame excuse that there was no room. But the cold hard truth is … I hate the mirror. I use one every day and I have no issue with the face that stares back at me, but when it comes to looking at my full image I cringe.

Yes I am the girl who is always at the back of the yoga, aerobic or spin class, the reason I stay at the back of the class is so that I do not have to see myself.  I am aware that I have body issues as my nudist drum teacher kindly pointed out (no we do not have our drum lessons in the nude, that would be ALL kinds of bad naked). I know that these issues are ALL created by me. It’s sad really and what’s even more heartbreaking is that I am not alone.  I know that there are many women out there that have a distorted mirror image of themselves which leads to the big question “How do WE change this?”

You could go to the extreme like Kjerstin Gruys  who decided to go without mirrors for a year. She went without looking in a mirror to prove that her obsession with her looks, youth and weight was not going to rule her life. It was her attempt to save her self-esteem.

I do not believe that avoiding the mirror is the answer to saving your self-esteem.  The mirror is not our enemy it is our mindset. In order to change how we look in the mirror we need to change what we think of ourselves.  We will never like ourselves if we do not learn to love ourselves. We all have this great capacity to love, we love others some people are worthy while some aren’t yet we cannot love the one person in our lives that we should love the most and that is ourselves.

I have recently embraced the mirror, okay not embrace but I starting to become friends with my nemesis.  I do stand in front of it during my Muay Thai class, some days I do better than others but my issues did not happen overnight so getting to that place of acceptance will take a while. I also prance around in my gitch while getting ready for work; yes the curtains are closed so I am not putting on a peep show for my neighbours.   I figure if I can get comfortable being exposed and letting my bits wiggle and jiggle, I will not notice them anymore. I also look in the full length mirror everyday and compliment myself just to keep the positive love towards me flowing. Eventually saying good things will become the norm.

Ladies I going to challenge you all to do the same, guys you can join in as well. Every day for the next month dance/prance/strut around in your gitch then stand in front of the mirror and compliment yourself.  As soon as you start to get negative thoughts walk away. Increase that time in front of the mirror until you can stand there for a full 2 minutes without one negative thought.

Will you take the challenge?

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